I Might be Batman

Every morning when I leave for work, the TCN in my building salutes and shouts, "Good Morning Sir!" then runs out back where my bike is and pushes open the huge bomb-proof steel doors so that I can shoot out of the compound into the dirt. So - since this has been happening for some time, I determined that I just might be Batman, except that I ride a bike with lights on the front and back, lots of reflectors, and I wear a helmet. Anyway -- I saw this on my way in this morning. The new road doesn't really match up with the old road. And since my expertise is more in the super hero area, I consulted my engineering staff here at Nautical909 hqs and they unanimously decided that ... these road builders are retards. At first I thought that they were just union workers, but then I remembered that union members are beheaded here. The people I see working here each day have heads, so I pretty much think that my staff was right. My staff then determined that I am a dork and tied me up with my cape and hid my rubber mask.

No Ric's This Week.

Sadly, I was not able to get my weekly breakfast at Ric's. The place was put off limits for military because of a security concern. Had to have cold left over cold pizza instead. And this is weird, but today was the very first time I have ever eaten at a Fudruckers and I found it in the middle of the desert next to a gas station. One of the best burgers I have had and it definitely wasn't made of cat. I had the ONE POUNDer with pepper jack, bacon and guac. Burka women all around me while I ate, so kind of weird.

Pearl Monument

This is a monument to this nation's historic pearl industry. Apparently, this is the only place in the world that produces natural pearls. The pearls you normally see everywhere else are created by injecting a plastic ball into each oyster then growing them in farms. The pearls grow naturally here and as much as 2,500 dhows would go out at a time. A diver was supplied with a nose clip, knife and weights around his feet, and he would be lowered down on a rope and not be pulled up until he found a pearl. I don't think they had OSHA around in those days though. People say you need to go see this thing, but I just did a drive-by shooting on my way to the bar.

King's House

Taking an "alternate route" through town that sent me through an unfamiliar village (al Jasra), I happened upon the boyhood home of the guy that's king of this country. No-one was there, so I figured I would take a quick look inside. This hard-charging little dude came running across the courtyard from his guardpost. Apparently I had interrupted his nap, but he was happy to show the place off to me anyway. I appreciated his thorough historical descriptions: "room, eating," "room, sleep," but I would have liked it even more if he had taken a bath in the last month. Talk about WMD.

Mosque Tour

Finally got around to touring the mosque next to my flat. Met a group of military on base, then drove in. Upon entry, we all took off our shoes and stuffed them in little wooden cubby-holes on the wall like you did in pre-school. The women on our tour had to put on abayas and hijabs. Nice place, all carpeted and air-conditioned. Some people were there praying. The young guide explained the basics of Islam and all about the mosque. Said they have to pray 5 times a day, including at 3:30 a.m. (!), which pretty much automatically disqualifies me from joining their church. A Sailor kept trying to argue religion with the guide, and an officer's wife finally got irritated and told him he was ruining her tour. We got free juice on the way out.

TCNs are confused

It was slow today, so I was able to bail out of the base early. Went mountain biking, except without the mountains. Since Shiites were rioting at the end of town I wanted to go, so I went construction-site biking. Nothing like the 110 degree air blowing sand, concrete and trash through your hair to invigorate your soul. I then rode across a big bridge over the Gulf waters to a little island with ... alot more hot sand! There was a huge parking lot on that island with a bunch of TCNs playing baseball. These guys definitely have been out in the sun for too long, because everyone knows you play baseball on GRASS. They didn't even have a bat - they just played with one of those giant paddles that the nuns used to hit us with back in the day. The pitcher kept bouncing the ball before it got over the plate and no one seemed to know the right way to run when they hit the ball. These people need help. Not from me though, I bailed to get a ribeye and VB at Ric's. Girl hopped up on the bar with a sharpie to scrawl, "tall chicks are worth the climb," on the ceiling.

Pottery

This post is about pottery, so if you will be bored, log off now. Today I took a drive out to a little town called A'Ali, that is known for its pottery. It was about 110 when I got there, so I was the only one poking my head around. This guy wants to come to America and work, he said. I figured, what the hell, we're gonna give amnesty to everyone else - and this guy can make cool stuff out of mud, so why not? I bought a clay water pot almost like the one he is making for about $1.50. I walked around town a bit to dehydrate myself and saw a few other pottery shops, a cemetery and a mosque. On the way out of town I saw some historic burial mounds that go back about 1,000 years.

America's Best Bars

Because its my birthday and I can write about anything I want on my birthday, and I am running out of things to report, and because I read somewhere that blogs are supposed to be a compendium of the author's random thoughts and such, here is my list of the Top 26 Bars in the US. I've traveled and had a drink in nearly all the States, but this is it. Lots of great bars in the rest of the country, but sooner or later the same bartenders with no personality, pool table and darts all run together. Yes, I'm aware I didn't choose any south of Pensacola. Key West has some interesting places, but none I'd write home about - I'd rather be at the beach. New England, are you kidding? I gave you Cheers.

So below are the very best bars in the US, from my point of view. You will notice the list weighted toward CA and coastal areas. That's because that's where the best bars are. Here we go, from West to East. Go ahead, yell at me now.

Jeff's Pirates Cove, Guam http://www.jeffspiratescove.com/
Founded after WWII, it's a tropical hideaway surrounded on three sides by jungle and one side by the Western Pacific. It's Chamorro style BBQ Chicken Kelaguen and rice washed down with an ice-cold Bud Light is hard to top. The last Japanese WWII soldier captured (in 1972) is said to have snuck out of the jungle from time to time for a drink.


Dukes Waikiki, HI http://www.dukeswaikiki.com/
Toast Duke Kahanamoku while listening to the beach side Hawaiian band and awaiting your maitai catamaran cruise. Grub is fine, but you're there for the culture. Afterward, head to the Royal Hawaiian Hotel's beach bar for old school mai tais and pupus. Have t-shirt.

The Crash Inn, Crestline, CA
The Man must have won and closed this place down. But 3/4 the people in this 909 mountaintop dank, rotten and dirty underwear-clad dive were likely to have been under the control of the CA penal system. Lots of CCR on the juke and cheap beer.

Celebrities, San Bernardino, CA
This bar doesn't rate this list, but gets an "Honorable Mention" because it best epitomizes IE culture. Karen is still quick with the 1800, buckets of beer, and burgers. Best place to watch people you went to high school with in the 80's try to pick up on 18 year old's with fake IDs.

Rainbow Bar & Grill, West Hollywood, CA http://www.rainbowbarandgrill.com/
Best place to relive the heyday of Led Zeppelin and Motley Crue or to stop for a cold beer taking the Sunset route home with stops at Gladstones and the Polo Lounge. After hours, head to the upstairs bar where David Bowie got his ass kicked by a gay karate man. Not bad Italian food either. My main stop on the Strip since seeing a pre-breakout GNR at Gazzari's back in the day. Have t-shirt.

Cutthroat Saloon, Markleeville, CA www.jour.unr.edu/outpost/destinations/archives/des.pines.395e.html
Bikers, cowboys, creaky floors, and thousands of bras pinned to the ceiling - traded for free beer. Best pit stop as you cross the top of the Sierra from Tahoe into Nevada. The burgers would be just average somewhere else, but the fine atmosphere adds the right spice. Sadly, I hear some doo-gooders have tried to clean it up lately.

Al the Wops, Locke, CA www.locketown.com/als.htm
Built about a century ago in this Chinese town hidden among the Sacramento River levees. The town is as old, and has not been updated in any way since. If you have been there as of this posting, I owe you a beer. Dollar bills coat the walls and you can get a really greasy double home-made burger that looks like a brick on a home-made hogie roll.

National Hotel, Jackson, CA
Built during the Gold Rush, this was the last legally operating brothel in California. Very old west style. Enter through the wooden swing doors and a floozy saloon girl wearing a dirty velvet dress and a feather in her hair is banging out 49er folk songs on the out-of-tune piano. she is not acting. Creaky wood floors, gas lamps and original hand carved bar top it off to make the beer taste just right.

Waterloo Club, Waterloo, CA http://www.thewaterloo.com/
Family-owned Italian restaurant and bar in the Western Sierra foothills. Awesome home made food, especially the ribs and pesto pasta. Best place to celebrate or drown your sorrows after 8:00 pm the first Tuesday in November.

Kennedy Meadows Packstation, East of Sonora, CA http://www.kennedymeadows.com/
Real cowboy bar at pack station atop the Sierras. Best place to collapse with a beer or ten after riding out of the back country. You usually get a couple San Francisco girls who sneak up to booze with guys that don't wear more makeup than they do, but its mainly packers and visiting outdoorsmen. The cafe serves breakfast up hot, greasy and fast to ward off your headache from two-stepping more than you ought to the night before. Helpful hint: don't show up wearing anything but Levis 501s or Wranglers. This is my secret getaway, so don't tell anyone.

Lefty O'Doul's, San Francisco, CA
This Union Square yesteryear baseball-themed pub is a bit touristy, but is the best place to belly up to the bar while your wife spends the day shopping. It feels best at Christmastime - that way you can drink Irish coffees all day. AWESOME steak buffet with several carving stations. Has the most unbelievably perfect smell of hot mac & cheese (the kind with a dark orange cheddar crust baked on top), juicy roast beef and smoked ham. Even better, when the wife comes to get you, she's exhausted and wants to have a drink, which gives you an excuse to stay for a couple more.

Scomas, San Francisco, CA
Among the several more historic Fisherman's Wharf hangouts, Scomas has a no-frills view of the back of the pier, but the decor, service and food are 1st class, old school and extremely comfortable. I was there for the first time when I was about two and like to drop in for a Pinot Grigio whenever I can. Get the dungeness crab or the cioppino.

Double L Bar, Lone Pine, CA
If your'e heading up the 395 to disappear into the Eastern Sierras, you need a place to cool off and get out of the blistering sun. In the middle of the day, its dark, dingy, damp, quiet and empty, and you kind of like it that way after a few hours on the hot road. If there is anyone else in the bar, it's probably a middle-aged female meth addict dancing to AC/DC's Back in Black while shooting darts. Cheap, cold beer, and the bartender has enough conversation in him to last about half an hour before he gets oddly silent and you get back on the road. You might get beat up if you're there after dark and you mention being from LA or the East coast. Have t-shirt.

Canyon Breeze, Sedona, AZ http://www.canyon-breeze.com/
A couple hours north of Phoenix, this place has one of the best views ever, with a 270 degree view from their sprawling wooden deck of the massive red rock formations. Mexican food isn't bad either.

Rum Boogie, Memphis, TN http://www.rumboogie.com/
Use this as your Memphis in May base of operations. Legendary live blues club at the doorstep of Beale Street. Ribs, catfish, red beans & rice. This place makes you happy, stuffed and buzzed - and you can carry your drink down the street if another band grabs hold of your ADD.

Pat O'Briens, New Orleans, LA http://www.patobriens.com/
Massive Hurricanes, in a glass and otherwise. Historic French Quarter staple. Saloon lady playing a piano and taking requests. Last time there, a crowd rushed a girl out to the street so she could puke red stuff all over herself sitting in the gutter while mounted police watched and laughed. Endurance and experience necessary here. Professionals only.

McGuire's Pub, Pensacola, FL http://www.mcguiresirishpub.com/
If you're not a Navy pilot, you won't begin to get attention here. Autographed dollar bills cover the wooden walls, the steaks are big and hot, and if you climb up and kiss the moose's nose something special is supposed to happen to you, but I think its just a way of making Ensigns look stupid for the camera.

Duck Inn, Virginia Beach, VA www.vbeach.com/duck-in
Serving cold beer, fish and hot hush puppies since 1952, this great memory sadly closed in 2005 after being sold for condos. Its gazebo over the water was the best place to sit by yourself with a cold one and watch the sailboats go by, or bring a group of military friends for a sunset wetting-down on the water. Noteworthy for their Friday night beach parties that attracted hundreds. Have t-shirt.

Hot Tuna, Virginia Beach, VA http://www.hottunavb.com/
One of the best seafood menus in the region, this place has a top-notch, yet unpretentious and engaging wait staff. Buy a beer in an official glass for $5.00 and you get every other beer for $2.00 - and keep the glass of the same deal later. I have about 6 glasses because I keep forgetting mine at home.

The Willard, Washington, DC http://washington.intercontinental.com/
One of several top-notch bars in DC, but my favorite. Regal, historic and classy, with expert bartenders. Established in 1850, Lincoln spent his Inaugural evening on this site. Best place to take in the decorations with a hot toddy after seeing the White House Christmas Tree - or any other time you want to take a break from the rat race and get a drink served to you in true Washingtonian style.

Shelly's Back Room, Washington DC http://www.shellysdc.com/
One of the only cigar-friendly places left in America. Comfortable seats, private cigar lockers and great scotch.

Red Eyes Dock Bar, Kent Narrows, MD http://www.redeyedockbar.com/
Multi-level outdoor bar with live bands, hard-core BBQ ops, boats, live bands, Harleys and Hawaiian Tropic bikini contests. 'Nuff said. My brother has the t-shirt.

Rusty Rudder, Dewey Beach, DE www.deweybeachlife.com/nl_rr.html
After a day in the sun munching on Thrashers fries, get there around 4:00 to stake out a prime location on the huge wooden waterside deck to catch the Reggae band and laugh at drunk people that have been drinking in the sun alot longer than you. They used to give out free coozies with each cold beer, but sadly, no more.

Leo's Grandevous, Hoboken, NJ http://www.leosgrandevous.com/
For those of you - or all of you - that are of the opinion that NJ is simply the place where Vegas gets their strippers and meth addicts, New York stashes their trash, and where nuclear waste is loved and nurtured - stop in Leo's before you hit the Lincoln Tunnel. When you get out of your car, the smell of fresh-baked bread, produce and neighborhood delis grabs hold of you and won't let go. Leo's is on a corner a couple blocks from Franks Sinatra's boyhood home. He used to drink there as a teenager. The juke box plays all his songs and they have his bar stool preserved. Italian locals have family fights in plain view. Waitresses have been their since childhood and yell alot. Mozarella and tomatoes, pasta, sausage, and veal are all without fault.

Bull and Bear, Waldorf Astoria, New York City www.bullandbearsteakhouse.com/index2.htm
Among the very finest and may be my favorite. Adel has been behind the bar for more than 35 years since coming over from Egypt and he knows everything about the City, its food and its drinks. He can hold a conversation about any subject under the sun and you loose track of time in this mahogany-walled sanctuary. Drink a smooth scotch or a nice cabernet and order up a rib eye. Special mention goes to the Plaza's Oak Bar, but the hotel is closed for yet-to-be-evaluated-by-me renovations. I just want them to rehire Salvatore, the security manager who told me "I hate any witnesses," when I told him about the "Jehovah's Witnesses for Peace" I ran across in the Park one day.

Arthur's Tavern, Greenwich Village, New York City http://www.arthurstavernnyc.com/
Hard to pick one great neighborhood joint amongst a million, but this is my favorite - at least until I find one better. Neighborhood live jazz. Its the most festive pub I've ever been, with decorations for every possible holiday you can imagine plastered all over its walls. Surprisingly friendly bartenders. A solid, good time.

Cheers, Boston, MA http://www.cheersboston.com/
It's Cheers, for God's sake.

Hunter Wins

You know, I'm not much for politics and I don't know the difference between Iraq and Iran, but I saw a bit of the Presidential debate last night while having another fine chicken football and, I gotta say, that Duncan Hunter seems to be the only man up there on stage that knows what he is talking about. Really stands out among the rest of the bunch from both parties. He had the best quote of the night too. Talking about his three lead opponents, he said "The guy who has the most influence with these three gentlemen is Ted Kennedy. We need to move away from the Kennedy wing of the Republican party." A guy like him is enough to get someone like me interested in voting for the first time. When I called his campaign, they said I should go to www.gohunter08.com to learn more.

HOT-HOT

Today was my day off. I started with blueberry pancakes, eggs, sausage and coffee at Ric's. When I got back to my building, I saw a narrow ray of light coming down on a 8 square foot area filled with sun. Since I've been here, there is never any sun on that spot because of the buildings around us, so I grabbed my shorts and sat in the sun for a while. It was friggin HOT. I burnt my hands on my magazine when I picked it up it was so damn hot, then it fell apart because the glue holding it all together MELTED. So, since it was too hot to sit in the sun, I brilliantly deduced that it would be good PT weather, so I ran to Billy Idol"s Greatest Hits on my Ipod for about three miles along the Gulf. It was HOT. First, the picture is of where I ran, but it was shot about a month ago while it was barely cracking 90. Today it was over 110 and nobody was there, but the beach was just as shitty as it looks here. At somewhere around 2 1/2 miles, I learned that I start feeling much the same as when I run at Venice Beach for the same distance - just that at Venice, its because its a contact high - so I went home.

I next watched Chistina Ricci in Prozac Nation on DVD while I ate a California burger delivered from Ric's. Not really sure if the meat was all beef, and have heard reports that they often put cat meat in some meals here, so I guess it should be called a Tijuana Burger.

So back to the beach - as you can see, it's nasty. When my wife saw this picture, she yelled at me over the email to "get those little kids out of that nasty water!" I live right here behind the buildings in front of you. the Arabs can't date, so they come and park at places like this to be alone. The lucky ones sneak away from their cars to get a room, but when they return in the morning, the tide has come in and covered half their car. It's hilarious. Each afternnon, you can come down to this beach and see at least two cars covered in water.