RHIBs

The rigid hulled inflatable boats (RHIB) pull up along-side the ship you are on and you climb down a rope ladder to board, or in this case, we just jumped out the back of the amphib. Things can go at more than 30 knots, and for inserting personnel into coastal areas or between ships fast. If you don't get one of the only couple seats, you have to sit on the side and hold on tight with ropes on the inflatable edges. I characterize it as a cross between bull-riding and shooting class 4 rapids. Around this area, they're mostly manned by Americans, Aussies or Brits. The Aussies are a little crazier than most. Waves hit you in the face in choppy seas.

Flight over gulf

It was pretty steamy when we boarded our helo in early afternoon after waiting around for a flight since 0500. It took a while for us to be cleared for takeoff, so we just sat in our sweat on the airstrip. With the engine heat and no air circulation, it was soon over 150 at least inside. Just hot water in my camelback by that time, but better than nothing. The air is better when you get up. After about two hours flying at about 100 meters over the water, we dropped down onto an American amphib ship cruising in the Gulf. Ship carries a bunch of Marines.

Other side of the tracks

This is a view of the new financial district now under construction. I do not live in this neighborhood. This picture was taken from the beach behind Trader Vic's. Not a bad place to get a drink. Now, I better get back to my hovel for my dinner of potted meat and stale crackers.

TCNs

Ok. For those of you that have asked, "whatr TCNs?" These are TCNs. Mostly from India or Bangladesh, they are the low-wage laborers that build everything here. They sit on the side of the road until they are picked up by trucks that take them to the job site. Some live on the job site. Recent decree here mandates that the trucks have to be covered. They work for the equivalent of about $60 a month.

CAUTION - don't read if easily offended

After Ric's, I drove down the dirty road to a hotel on the water where they have a little bamboo bar in the sand. Took a chair next to the only westerner there, a drunk 50ish UK expat guy with yellow twisted teeth that lives in Saudi. Could barely understand anything he said. Everyone else there were Arabs that clearly couldn't handle their alcohol or seeing women in bathing suits. One of them - wearing only big black shades, black spandex shorts, white fuzzy hotel-issue house shoes, and lots of sweat - kept talking to us between rude demands for more booze to the bartender. He announced to the bar that "I'm going to pee in the sea!", then cruised out into the water to do his business while waving at all of us. Also said he was a director here to make a movie, that he might be good in Hollywood. Except that his only video camera was in the new phone he had, and he kept strutting up to the Arab women sunbathing and asking them if they would like to be in his porno movie. He got thrown out eventually, along with a couple others. Brit guy said he was there with his wife, but she was sleeping in hungover after a "big night of wife-swapping." She ended up joining us and they gave me a slice of their pizza. Friendly and entertaining couple. I had to rush home and take a bath with Clorox and gasoline, though. Really like the wild west out here, except for very little west.

Maybe a trade-in due

Saturday with nothing going on and too tired to ride. Sitting at Ric's in the dark with a plate of nachos, Rocky Top playing on juke. Two TCNs trying to fix the a/c right above my head and pretty clear they don't know what the hell they're doing. Latest issue of 4Wheel Drive mag here has a cool piece on some "Eaton/Detroit Locker" trail tour where a bunch of Jeepers go wheeling in Oregon's Callahan mountains and some place called Oregon Dunes. Looks pretty wild. I think I might have to trade in the car for a new JK when I get back and start throwing my paychecks at mods. May be a good anniversary gift I think. Don't tell my wife, I want it to be a surprise.

Scarred for life

I just walked into my flat after dropping a unit member off to fly home, and I was greeted by the Ellen DeGeneres show just starting - in Arabic. It was very scary and I had to hide in the closet for a while afterward. She came out dancing to some techno song, and her moves were reminiscent of Arsenio Hall, Homer Simpson and some guy with a severe case of Turret's Syndrome all rolled into one. Ellen bounced around her audience, which consists of a bunch of women who are just thrilled to be out of the house for the first time since 1982 and clapping and jumping for Ellen like Leo DiCaprio in his "have you seen my baseball" movie. She's still dancing, so I'm shutting off the TV and going to bed.

"Marriage for pleasure"

We had to go talk to a local expert this week to learn more about religious customs and traditions. Very informative. Learned that it's ok in this religion to have up to four wives. The man said that the case is usually that "you might have a good wife that you love very much, but she cannot bear you children. You don't want to get rid of her, so of course you will want to take another wife to give you children." Those marriages are "permanent marriages." The other kind of marriage is "for pleasure," which you enter into without an official contract for a pre-set duration, "maybe only five minutes, or maybe many years," because "it's not right to have premarital relations." It doesn't count against the maximum of four wives and the man is not financially responsible for the woman. These guys sure have developed a convenient system. By the number of those sunken cars (see earlier related post) at the beach by my flat, I guess this place is kind of like Vegas, except hotter, dirtier and without the romance of drive-thru wedding chapels.

Oh - and sorry for the lack of pics recently, I'm running out of new things to see and I'm pretty sure you don't want shots of the weird knobs on my walls up near my ceiling that I have yet to figure out. I'm going to turn them one day when I get up the guts - maybe my last day.

No booze for you!

Guy I know finally ended his long tour here and a few of us gave him a $40 bottle of bourbon as a going away gift. Turns out that when boarding the military aircraft for the day-long flight back, the ground crew saw the bottle and confiscated it. Bummer. Then to make things even worse, he picks up some nice souvenir spirits during a layover in Europe - and they get confiscated by customs upon arrival in CONUS. This would be incredibly tragic, and even life-altering if it happened to me, but if you knew the guy and could envision how he probably went completely batshit for each of these confiscations, you'd still be laughing too. Gotta hope the man saw an open bar upon arrival. At least we still get credit for the gift I think.

Some observations

Shiite majority, but Sunni rule. If you're in the royal family, you drive a huge black Mercedes and you get rock star parking in front of any door you want.

One thing I've noticed is they always drag chairs, no matter how much noise it makes, and never carry them.

People here don't work between 1200 and 400 and stores close. The government just decreed it illegal for laborers to work during those times, but they are working during those times anyway so they can go home earlier.

You know the plastic that comes on new dining room chairs and on car seats? They always leave it on - - forever. Remember, this is where Michael Jackson came to hide after he beat the rap.

I pay about 3.25 for a haircut here, and a massage is included. A Cuban cigar costs about 30.00.
Not real sure yet how much gas costs, but I filled up for about 8.00 the other day.

There is no "athletic" segment of this society.

Some stores just sell black abayas, and there are more different styles than you would guess. Women seem to love to wear these and I think they figure it makes them mysterious. Men and women also wear big black diamond-encrusted sunglasses inside and at night.

It's the law here that if you take your car to a body shop, you have to show a police report to get it fixed. Also, if you injure someone while you are driving drunk, you have to stay in jail for as long as the other person is in the hospital. No one uses turn signals or stops at stop signs - just like home - and people honk just to say they are near you. And I've not seen one child seat here, even in wealthy peoples' cars. Toddlers stand between the two front seats or sit Brittany-kid style. If a Saudi gets in a wreck, they just leave their car here and go home.

No Diet Coke, but their "Coke Light" tastes better and they have those old school pop-tops that you put in the can and try not to swallow. They get to use that old Saccharin stuff we outlawed in the 70's because it causes cancer - but only in mice I think. Steaks taste really good too, because they baste them in MSG.

People think nothing of throwing their trash on the ground or in the ocean. It's just like New Jersey.

Men primp their red and white checkered head [towl?] in restroom mirrors like they're a girl getting ready for prom. Whole bunches of these same men go to the mall together here and t hey don't look at girls.

No man here would dream of letting others see him fix anything or use any tool, because that would mean he is low enough on the totem pole that he would know how to do such things.

Very high unemployment, but locals won't do construction jobs, so they import 60 percent of their labor. The TCNs that build all the buildings live in cinder block huts on the construction site with no a/c or plumbing. A lot of them are indentured servants because their sponsors withhold their visa until their immigration fee is paid back. They wear long sleeve shirts and pants even though it's well over 100 and I never see any of them with water.

EVERY place - even McDonald's - that sells food, delivers, using TCNs on motorcycles. People swear by these shwarmas, but as far as I can tell, they are like gyros, but with chopped chicken flavored cat meat, and covered in mayonnaise. Chicken football for me please - if it looks like a whole chicken, it's at least a bird for sure.

Funniest thing I have seen: The men that aren't hanging out in malls together wearing shades pick up a "date," they often go park at the beach near where I live when the tide is out and pull up to the water's edge. The next morning, its easy to see who made it to the hotel room, because the tide has come in and covers half the car. At least one or two every morning.

That's it, I'll have to save more for another post.

Enviros would go nuts

During another 110 degree bike adventure today, I saw a local guy with his old faded blue Datsun pickup at the beach with the front two tires in the water. So I rode over to see if he was stuck. Get this - - turns out he was changing his oil. By the look of the beach, it seems like he was improving things a bit, but I asked him what he was up to anyway. In his best broken English, he said with some pride that this way, "I fix oil here...water take away..no mess!" Wondering if Jiffy Lube has thought of this.

Things I watch over here

Today I was the lucky recipient of no less than THREE slideshows from wild and crazy 909 girls. Well, two - - one is in Cleveland, but that's pretty much the 909 of the Midwest. One show was of a colleague's solar oven being marketed to bush people, then more Bush people in a video of the President visiting Ohio. The last was of a vow re-up ceremony on some beach in Hawaii - but it got a little weird toward the end when the 909 gal woke up a local Hawaiian chick (tropical bush person?) sunbathing topless nearby and got her to pose with her and her husband for pictures. So I won't get yelled at, I won't say which one was more fascinating, but I was surprised to find myself oddly interested in the oven-thing. It looked kind of like a smaller version of that spaceship in the Twilight Zone episode where the martians get pallzy with the country townfolk and talk them into visiting their ship. Then when the people find out they are going to be eaten, its too late to get off. And just wondering, can't we just get those people some microwaves?

This site is a little rough on the IE!

A friend passed me this definition of "909er" at UrbanDictionary.com. What is perhaps more scary are the ads that show up on this 909er page: "Yoda car emblems," "Car flags in 48 hours," and drum roll please........"How do I know if I have Gonorrhea? Signs, Symptoms, and Treatments." Classic.

909er:

This word describes every White and Latino guy under 30 living in the desert areas of SoCal. Insecure rednecks who think they have to look and talk like a thug in order to get respect. Most of them are skinny. If they work out they never hit the lower body. Wear oversized T-shirts in order to hide being skinny. Whatever the shirt says, it's usually written in Gothic, with an iron cross for thug-lyfe authenticy. Wear flat-billed hats with a bike logo even though they've never owned or ridden one. Their version of "dressing up" is to keep wearing whatever they were wearing before, except throw on a thick gold chain and half a bottle of cologne. Always stand with one of their shoulders slouched, because it makes them look "down with the struggle". Criticizes everyone who lives at the beach, to make themselves feel better about living in a boring 110-degree smog trap. Half of them use, manufacture, or sell meth, or wouldn't mind being mistaken for such, since it would make their boring life appear more hardcore.

The Unforgiven

I heard the members of Unforgiven in one of those KLOS Uncle Joe Benson (he still alive?) interviews of new bands in 1986. First song on the album was All is Quiet on the Western Front, and like the rest of the tracks, was reminiscent of Poison, with intense guitars, military sounding drums and a Western theme. I was so sure these guys from the IE were going places that I bought two cassets - one to listen to and the other to keep. The latter is still sealed in original plastic and barely survived my wife's recent effort to purge our home of my whole tape collection [!WTF!]. Sounded great on the Blaupunkt in my red '79 ragtop Scirocco during my regular rotation that summer from Palm Springs-Crestline-Newport-Venice-Ensenada. Music popped into my head tonight and Googled them - turns out they re-released their album on CD last year. Got it. Maybe Uncle Joe can swing a reunion tour in the Arabian Gulf. Album, photos and interviews can be seen at: http://www.roverpack.com/

Happy 4th

Local paper here had a short story about what the 4th of July is to Americans. Read it while having breakfast at Ric's on a rare day off. Eggs, jalapenos, onions, cheese and tortilla strips all scrambled together and served with refried beans on the side. Huge black coffee. Finally bought the souvenier mug since I am heading into the home stretch here. After catching up with WaPo and Roll Call online (Dunc is getting Coulter's back - awesome), filled the camelback and took a long ride in the heat. First song on the Ipod was DMSR - reminded me of an 80's PS spring break when MT and I, with our purple-powered boom box, backed-up a Palm Canyon Drive mime that was being ignored because he had no tunes. Peddled down to the souq and practiced my traffic-dodging skills, then went to the base where they had a BBQ for the troops and an Arab Elvis performing. Friggin hilarious. Saw the "Queen" DVD because I have seen all the other new releases worth watching. Embarrased to say that it was comped "because your 13th rental is free." Good flick though - they killed a 14 point buck in it and Queenie went wheelin in a Land Rover.

He'll be swimming with the fishes

When I saw this thug move in, I told him straightup, you know what I'm sayin, that I don't want him parking his rig next to mine and trying to show me up. Why couldn't they have these after markets, like that padded banana seat backrest when I was pimpin my Stingray? He's gonna have to park that outside or we fight. That's how I roll.

Queing-up Jamie's Cryin' right now

I'm the one on fire here with the late breaking news that the original VH is getting back together for a Fall tour. Eddie's done with rehab and Dave is back for first time in 20 years. You're a little dreamer if you think they'll make it out here because there would be an eruption by terrorists who would accuse the government here of runnin with the devil. If you think you can ever figure these people out, you really got me, because they ain't talkin bout love. Guess I'll have to wait til I get back conus. Oh - gotta run, ice cream man is outside.

Needs Buffett Badly

View here is from a restaurant tower at an island stop on the very long causeway halfway to Saudi Arabia. Great view, but food was very disappointing, kind of like that you might expect at a museum cafeteria. Small island and nothing here but for this tower and an immigration checkpoint. The water, however, is beautiful and clear out here and not all clouded, filthy and trashy like back where I stay. First grass I had felt under my feet in three months. This would be the perfect place for a beach bar with Jimmy Buffett tunes playing. Maybe a reincarnation of the Duck Inn. I just can't quite see the dish-dasha and abaya crowd chillin' to Changes in latitudes, Changes in Attitudes, so probably not a safe bet.